Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
