Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize