I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
