I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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