But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
