vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize