It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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