omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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