Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
