Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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