just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
