dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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