I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
