Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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