you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
