there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
