I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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