He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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