what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
