Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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