its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
