Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
