My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
