He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize