i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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