Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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