my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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