Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
