i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
