I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
