whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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