No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
