i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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