Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
