Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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