I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
