I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize