i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
