the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
