She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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