her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
