My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize