dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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