I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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