Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
