i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
