3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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