Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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