ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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