sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
