I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
