Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
