i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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