In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
