Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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