On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
