Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
