You're completely useless in the revolution.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
