so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
