Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
