If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize