I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
one two three fourrrrnication!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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