I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
