that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
