Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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