Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
