You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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