Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is Oprah even human
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
