I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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