so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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