The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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