yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
