I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
