it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
