Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
