Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
