Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
