thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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