I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
