You're my little dorito
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
