I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
