yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
