the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
