Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
