Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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