I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
