I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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