We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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