i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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