That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
