Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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