it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize