she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
