he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
