Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
