its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
