so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
