I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize