i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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