I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
